Understanding
by ceridwen-amyed
Summary: *UPDATE* Chapter 4 An eleven-year old girl has a 'splinter in her mind'...
1. Default Chapter

Okay, my comments will be in red, and if I'm commenting on something particular, I'll mark it with yellow, like this

DEDICATION : To Lisa, my new beta reader. She gave me the inspiration for me to turn my short story "Knowing" into this fan fic and helped give shape to this. Couldn't have done it without ya!

DISCLAIMER : I don't own any of this apart form Maria, Phoenix and Auriga. The Matrix and all its characters etc are owned by the Wachowski brothers or WB. I'm not making any money out of this – I write for my own amusement (and hopefully others).

WARNING : The first part of this is practically the same as the beginning of my story 'Knowing'. Just to let you know you're not experiencing a glitch in the Matrix ; )

* * * *

Fear is the force that drives us through life. It dictates to us where we work, where we live, even who our friends are. It attacks us at every level: right from the fear of people laughing at us, to the fear of losing our lives.

Perhaps the greatest of all these fears is the fear of the unknown. The fear of something we can't quite understand. This is mankind's motivation.We learn, so we cannot be afraid anymore. We seek to find out the truth beyond everything. 

No matter where it takes us.

* * * * * * *

It was one of those cold, grey and gloomy days that most people hate. The type of day where people only go outside to get somewhere else warm and dry. The type of day that children hope doesn't happen, because being indoors is not nearly as much fun as playing tag outside.

Maria however, liked this weather. She loved going home from it and feeling that sense of cosiness that only autumn and winter can bring. She loved watching the rain from her window, drinking hot chocolate made by her mother.

The classroom only intensified that feeling. The sound of her classmates talking at the end of the day, the scratchy green carpet underneath her; moments where nothing bad can touch you.

The teacher was playing the class a musical, synthesised version of H. G. Wells' War of the Worlds. It was supposed to inspire the children to writetheir own version. All of them were laughing and imitating the music's computerised voices and instruments.

Except for Maria. Something within the music stirred up feelings in her that she didn't know she had. She couldn't explain them: all she knew was that they frightened her. She was suddenly aware of how fragile life was, and how quickly it could be taken. Her heart began to beat faster.

The end of day bell went, and the rest of the children ran outside, eager to get home before the rain came. Maria hardly said goodbye to her friends: they all lived in the opposite direction to her. She started to walk to the outside door and paused just inside, shivering slightly. 

__

If I go outside, she thought, _I'll be exposed to everything. If I stay inside, I'll suffocate. _The air around her had grown thick and choked her.

She barely remembered the walk home. The only thing that really stood out was when she was looking out across the empty playground she had to cross and how much she had to concentrate on each step. She had never realised how infinite the sky was, and now it seemed too big, too massive to comprehend.

She somehow made it home, still shaking. Usually her mother was there to greet her when she got in, but she wasn't today. The first thing she did was turn the television on. The house was too large, too quiet. It didn't feel safe enough, and it seemed incredibly important to have voices around her, as if they would create a wall of sound around her and protect her.

The TV was not enough, the wall too thin, so she switched on her brand new stereo system. An Icelandic singer warbled out a song about throwing plates off a mountain. 

The sounds calmed her heart slightly, but did nothing to qualm the panic rising in her. Eventually when her mother came home, the girl switched the tape off and tried to behave as if everything was normal; believing it would be, now that her mother was home. She was still young enough to believe that everything could be cured by her mother's touch.

Her mother was a church organist and took her daughter to the choir practise. Maria didn't want to be left alone and thought she might feel better in a different environment, full of people.

She was wrong. The muffled voices of the choir, the muted lights of the church and its candles, and most importantly the darkness outside, all built up the fear until the girl was almost paralysed with terror. Sitting in the pews, she suddenly understood how the people in medieval times felt when the plague raged around them, and God and death walked hand in hand. She was suddenly sure that there was a God, there had to be a God, or else what was the point of it all? 

The air became more and more thick, and she felt as if she were trapped inside a glass prison, able to watch everyone else get on with their lives but unable to participate. Everything was terrifying and new, like she was seeing a whole new world. Everything around her, the air, the sound of the choir's voices, were solid and real enough to touch.

She was also aware that maybe what she was seeing was not real. They had been talking in class about the body, and she knew that she did not really see or hear or touch anything, but rather her brain interpreted it and was capable of twisting it to what it wanted to see or hear or touch. She had heard it in class, but suddenly she fully realised what it meant: she could not be sure of anything around her. What was reality? More importantly, what was her reality? Maria tried to stop these thoughts, but she had opened a door in her mind, and now it would not close. A Pandora's box all of her very own.

She was terrified by her own despairing thoughts. Her panic grew and grew, until she could not sleep unless there was someone else in the room and even then she found it hard. Night was the one time when she couldn't shut out the thoughts and feelings she had, and they consumed her. The only thing she was sure of was that nothing could be certain.

During the first few days of her 'madness' Maria asked her mother how long this feeling of uncertainty would last (after all, at that age, your mother knows all). Her mother had soothingly replied that it would all be gone by the end of the week.

It wasn't. Maria could never be sure how long her fear lasted but it was much longer than a week. Months in fact. A dark spot in the otherwise bright memories of her childhood. 

The days all faded into a single haze of forgotten nightmares. She found it hard to distinguish between her waking life and her dreams, and discovered that she didn't actually care. Everything was the same: she would do the same things every day, with the same fear and doubt lurking beneath her outer composure.

There was one memory that stood out from all the rest. She could remember it with frightening clarity. 

She had been walking to school, trying not to think of the day ahead. She felt that she couldn't stand another day of this panic, this awareness of the world around her. She could feel her mind slowly unravelling with every passing moment, and she knew that any second now, it would suddenly snap and she would be left spinning into her own world. Something had to change, she decided suddenly, and soon.

She cut through the churchyard on the way to school. She hadn't done so for a long time because of the blind terror that churches gave her, but she did so that day. She needed change from her usual life, and even a small one like that helped her brain regain control over itself.

It was a beautiful day and the girl smiled to herself. 

__

I'm walking through a graveyard and I'm okay. Maybe I'm getting better. She doubted that somehow. Part of her didn't want to get better, and it was that part that frightened her.

Her smile quickly faded when she saw the man and woman standing near the gate at the opposite end of the graves. She had become shyer lately and found it hard to be near strangers, let alone strangers dressed like they were. You didn't often see people looking like that in her sleepy little town. People who dressed in black and wore sunglasses, even though the sun was not strong enough for them. People whose confidence in themselves was so powerful you could practically smell it.

The girl felt intimidated by them and looked at her feet, at the gravestones, anywhere but the man and woman. As she walked past them she could feel their eyes watching her back, but they made no other movement. Their silence unnerved her. She decided that when she got to school, she would tell her teacher about the two people. She had heard many stories about strange people like these, and not many of them were good. Her heart was beating so powerfully she was sure they could hear it.

She had just made it past them when she felt a hand on her shoulder, forcing her to stop.

"Maria, wait. We want to talk to you." The voice was female and judging from the accent, American_. What are Americans doing here?_ she wondered idly. The hand stayed firmly on her shoulder so she could not run. Maria turned to face the voice and saw that the woman had taken off her sunglasses and was smiling gently at her. The man stood a few feet away, frowning. She couldn't see his eyes but she was certain that he was staring at her.

"I-I have to go. I'll be late for school - "

"School? This early?" said the man suddenly. He nodded up to the church tower clock, and the girl gasped when she saw that it read eight o'clock.

__

That can't be right, I left the house at eight, it takes 15 minutes to get here, the bell should be ringing -

Maria tilted her head and squinted up at the man. He smiled innocently, and she knew that somehow, he had performed this trick.

"You have plenty of time to talk to us, Maria," said the woman, kneeling beside the girl so that their eyes were level with each other.

"How do you know my name?" asked Maria shakily. The situation had spiralled out of her control, and she somehow knew that it would be useless to run now.

"We know a lot about you. We know that you're afraid, Maria. You don't know what you're afraid of, but it's still there."

"Like a splinter in your mind," added the man dryly. The woman gave him a sharp look, and he ducked his head slightly. He still hadn't removed his glasses, but it was obvious that he was uncomfortable with the situation. 

"How do you know that?" Maria whispered, her voice cracking slightly. Nobody knew how she felt; not even her mother had a full idea of how desperate she had become.

"That doesn't matter. What matters is that we can help you. We can provide you with the answers you're so desperately looking for. We can show you what the Matrix is."

"The what?" Tears were sliding down Maria's face, and she was shaking. The fear inside of her was growing with every word the woman spoke. Part of her wanted to run to school, no matter how early it was, and tell an adult what had just happened, so they could phone the police and arrest these bad people. But another part of her wanted to stay. It was the part of her that doubted she would ever forget her fear.

__

Stay, it whispered, _stay, these people can help you, they know how you feel, perhaps they've experienced this fear as well. They can take the fear away._

The woman took Maria's hand. "Do you want to know what it is?" The girl nodded dumbly.

"The Matrix is your fear, Maria. It is everything around you, your bag, your school, even these gravestones."

Maria looked at them carefully. "Are you the Matrix?" she asked, not exactly sure of what she was asking. The man laughed startling her.

"No," he smiled. "We are in the Matrix, but not a part of it." 

"Neo!" hissed the woman, clearly annoyed. 

The man held up his hands defensively. "Sorry."

The woman sighed and turned back to Maria. She looked at her eyes for a while.

"We cannot tell you exactly what the Matrix is… you have to see it with your own eyes." She stopped and looked intently at her. "Do you want to see it?"

Maria looked at the woman and then at the man. He was frowning at her again, and she quickly looked away.

"Will… will the fear go away?" she asked, voice cracking.

"I can't guarantee you that," said the woman somewhat sadly. "But you will understand it and know why you feel it. And believe me, that can make all the difference."

The girl looked around her at her surroundings. She was silent for a moment.

__

I cannot be afraid of what I know and understand. That's what this fear is, isn't it? Fear of the unknown. She was surprised to realise that for once all the different parts of her seemed to be agreeing. _Go with them._

"Maria? Do you want to come with us?"

"…Yes," said Maria staring at the man. He shook his head. The woman put both her hands on the girl's shoulders.

"I want you to understand that you cannot go back. Once you have made this decision, you cannot go back to this life -"

The girl laughed hollowly. "This is not a life."

The woman nodded slowly. "I know. But this is the biggest decision you have ever made -"

"Trinity," said the man suddenly. He had taken his glasses off, and Maria was surprised to see the worried look in his eyes. At first she couldn't see what he could be worried about. After a moment she realised that it was worry for herself. "You're frightening her."

The woman glanced up at him with an expression that seemed to say, "don't interfere". He swallowed but kept his head up this time. The woman turned back to Maria. 

"You cannot go back. Not to your house, not to your friends… not even your parents."

Maria jumped when she heard that. She bit her lip in thought. Then she looked up at the woman.

"But I would know, right?"

The woman nodded. "Yes. You would know." 

The girl nodded. "Alright," she whispered, trying not to think of her parents. "I want to know."

The woman smiled slightly and stood, taking Maria's hand. She looked over at the man and nodded to him. 

"Let's go." Her tone had turned clipped and business like, and Maria wondered what she was doing, going off with strangers. It went against everything she had ever been taught, and yet it felt right somehow. She felt strangely secure in her position, more so in fact than the man did. He was frowning again, staring down at the glasses in his hands.

"Neo," said the woman impatiently.

"No," he said looking up at her, his face set.

"What?" The woman said it with the tone of voice that let Maria realise that she did not often have this man say no to her.

"I won't do it, Trinity."

"What are you talking about?"

"I won't do this to her. Look at her, she's only eleven! She doesn't understand what we're doing -"

"She understands enough. She has a right to know." They were both talking as though the girl was no longer standing there beside them. She frowned. She hated it when grown-ups did that.

"She isn't ready." The man's tone was quiet and allowed no argument. However, the woman ignored it and glared at him.

"Morpheus believes she is ready."

"What makes Morpheus the authority on this?"

"Neo!"

"Trinity, look at her! Let her have her childhood." The last words were spoken with a slight tremble in his voice. 

The woman glanced down at the little girl holding on to her hand and her expression softened. "Neo, things will only get worse if she stays here. We both know that. The truth is better than a lie."

The man looked at the girl sadly.

"You cannot stop this. She is a potential; somebody else will pick her up if we don't. You know that." The woman's voice was final and the man looked away in defeat. The woman reached out with her other hand to touch the man's arm, but he took a step back.

"I'll have nothing to do with this," he hissed. "I want no part of it." 

"Neo…" she said gently. He simply shook his head and took a step away from them. Maria blinked and suddenly he wasn't there. She looked around her in bewilderment and saw that the woman was staring skyward. The girl followed her gaze and stared in astonishment at the figure quickly disappearing into the blue.

The woman shook her head sadly and then turned to Maria. 

"Do you still want to know what the Matrix is?"

"Yes."

The woman nodded and led her towards the church door.

"Why are we going in there?" asked Maria, still fearful of churches.

"Because everything is prepared in there," said the woman absently, obviously still thinking of the man. The girl hesitated over the church threshold, pulling her hand free.

"Come on, Maria," said the woman gently. "You have to trust me." She held out her hand.

Maria looked up at the woman and then, taking a deep breath, grasped hold of the outstretched hand.

* * * *

Well, let me know what you think! Feedback is always appreciated…


	2. Chapter Two

The second in what looks to be a fairly long story ; ) BTW, I am aware that I saved this with 'Undersanding' instead of 'Understanding' but that's life for you

DISCLAIMER: The Matrix and all its characters belong to WB or the Wachowski brothers. Characters not in the original movie belong to me. I'm not making any money of this, yadda yadda, and so on. 

Thanks to all the people who reviewed the first chapter and I hope I answered any questions or doubts you guys had. J 

Also, I'm sorry it's taken me so damn long to get this up but, well, I forgot to post. :P And then when I remembered it was the 11th so… my mind wasn't exactly on the Matrix. 

Anyway, it's up now and I promise to be quicker with my updates and not to forget J 

* * * * * * *

Maria's first impression of the real world was that of colour. The unplugged could often be heard complaining bitterly that the real world was dull and drab and cold, but Maria privately disagreed. 

The first thing she had seen when she had opened her eyes for the first time was red. Everywhere she looked, she could see red and black spilling out from the machines. Occasionally streaks of blue lightening flickered over her.

She knew that she should have been afraid, but the light dazzled her. True, there were not many colours, but they were bright and vibrant, and she took some comfort in it. It was better than the darkness. 

Before she could get used to this new vision of illumination, she was pulled away from it back into the darkness.

She had screamed, of course, and her mouth was filled with the putrid liquid that had initially surrounded her. It was icy cold, and just when she was sure that she would die, something grabbed her harshly and slowly pulled her towards another light.

She was shaking with cold and a thousand other feelings she could not place. She noticed vaguely that the man who had flown was picking her up, but he looked slightly different now. He glanced down at her.

"Go to sleep Maria… It's alright."

Gratefully, Maria slipped out of consciousness, wanting nothing more than to sleep and forget.

* * * * * * *

Trinity watched Neo as he placed the girl, who looked so much younger than she had done in the Matrix, on the table and stepped away, letting Morpheus and Phoenix swarm over her tiny form. 

Only two new crewmembers had been recruited since the Betrayal. Phoenix had been a nurse back in Zion, who had felt she could be more use helping the ships than the city's people. They had to smuggle her on board – obtaining the necessary licences needed to allow a new crewmember from Zion to join would have taken too long. She had been on board for two months now, and had only just been legally allowed.

Neo walked out the room staring at his feet in thought. Trinity rushed to catch him.

"Neo." He carried on walking. Annoyed, Trinity grabbed his shoulder and forced him to turn around.

"Neo! Don't ignore me."

"Trin, please, I don't want this conversation." He refused to meet her gaze.

"Neo, what happened back there?" she asked, her voice still hard. She wasn't ready to take any bullshit, poor-me excuses from him this time. He had seriously jeopardised a mission, and the soldier in her was angry. If an agent had seen him fly… they could have morphed into Maria… anything could have happened. Because the One had got cold feet.

"I don't think we should have pulled her out. She's only eleven – "

"Mouse was younger when Morpheus unplugged him!"

"Yeah, and look what happened to him!" 

The silence after that statement was solid and echoed down the ship until the very engines seemed to pause in remembrance.

Trinity took a deep breath. 

"Neo, she is ready. You know that. You watched her, you saw how unhappy she was –"

"And I also saw her play with her friends," he snapped suddenly, his eyes blazing up to meet hers. "I saw her hug her parents, play with her toys – I saw her being a kid!"

"And I saw her suffering! Is this world so much harsher than her living her life in the Matrix, afraid?"

"She's just a kid, Trinity," he said bitterly.

"She is a child in pain. We can help her – "

"Um, 'scuse me guys?"

Neo and Trinity whipped around to find a scared looking boy trying to edge his way past the corridor they had blocked. Trinity glared at both men and stormed down the corridor. She could feel them gazing at her back, but squashed the feeling of sympathy she felt for Neo. 

__

It had been his first mission… 

"No," she muttered to herself. "He's not getting off that easily. If he were just an ordinary soldier…"

She sighed. That was precisely the problem. He _wasn't_ just an ordinary soldier; he was the One and therefore certain allowances had been made for him inside the Matrix. No one quite knew what he was capable of, and Trinity had a sneaking suspicion that Neo didn't know either.

But more than that, he was _Neo_. The man she loved. And that made everything so much harder. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't stop the way she felt about him interfering with missions.

__

Maybe that's not such a problem, she pondered to herself. _Maybe I'm just making it into a problem; he doesn't seem to have any problem with it…_

She rubbed her forehead in thought and realised that she had wandered back to the recovery room. Morpheus had gone, leaving Phoenix alone with her patient. Trinity stood by the bed and looked down at the child's still form. She realised helplessly that she couldn't stay mad at Neo – she could understand his reasons. They were the same doubts she had originally had when Morpheus told her about the new potential. The same ones she had had when Mouse came aboard. But he had accepted the truth so easily… 

__

And so will Maria. She is ready, or Morpheus wouldn't have unplugged her. 

They had all been certain that Maria was ready when they had been watching her; she had all the signs of a 'splintered mind'. But no one ever knew how the unplugged would react once in the real world. Trinity had first assumed that Neo wouldn't have lasted more than a few weeks in the real world: he was too old. She had got that one very wrong…

Trinity folded her arms and tried to make her mind go blank. Unfortunately, it was the one thing she had never succeeded in doing.

* * * * * * *

Neo and Auriga watched Trinity storm down the corridor. Auriga swallowed nervously.

"Don't worry Auriga," sighed Neo, patting him on the back. "I pissed her off, not you."

"Oh," said Auriga in relief, pushing his glasses back up his nose. Neo felt sorry for the poor kid. He'd spent most of his life surrounded bullies and had trouble getting used to this way of life. He had settled in with everyone except Trinity. He seemed to be slightly afraid of her.

I don't blame him, thought Neo glumly, hurrying after his lover. She's a frightening lady when she wants to be… 

It took a while for Neo to trace her back to the recovery room. Phoenix was quietly tinkering with various needles in the background. Phoenix looked up when Neo entered and smiled. Sensing the strain of an unfinished argument, she quickly finished what she was doing and left, winking at Neo as she passed him. 

Trinity was watching over the unconscious girl, arms folded. Neo stood beside her. They were both silent for a while, staring at Maria. Finally, Neo took a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he said quietly. "About what I said about Mouse and… the other stuff. I know I endangered the mission –"

"Damn right."

Neo sighed. "I just feel that we're not letting her have a proper childhood."

"She wasn't having a proper childhood, Neo. To all intents and purposes, she _knew _the truth. She would have gone mad if she'd stayed there much longer. Did you want that?"

"Of course not. I –" he paused, searching for the right words. Trinity was silent. 

"We've taken her innocence from her. She won't be a child anymore, she can't be. She's a soldier now. For the rest of her life…"

Trinity reached down and took hold of his hand and squeezed it. 

"I know," she whispered. They were silent again, holding hands tightly.

"And what about her parents, Trin? They must be panicking by now…"

Trinity shut her eyes tightly, as if trying to block out a mental picture

"It's for the best, Neo." She sounded unconvinced at her own words.

"But what if it was our kid?"

"What?" said Trinity, looking at him in surprise. 

Before he could repeat, Morpheus appeared in the doorway. "Neo. A word with you." 

Neo looked at his mentor and knew he was in for yet another bollocking. He let go of Trinity's hand and followed Morpheus out the door.

"Neo…" He heard Trinity's voice behind him and turned. She was smiling softly. "I'd want our child to know the truth."

Neo nodded, half-smiling. "I know you would."

They looked at each other a moment longer, and then he left. 

* * * * * * *

Trinity watched Neo leave with Morpheus, then turned back to the child on the table, her thoughts whirling.

__

We've talked about everything under the sun and yet we've never spoken of commitment... 

Commitment was not spoken of much in the real world. Life was too hard and short for such promises. Fidelity was seen as the short cut to heartbreak, and such a weakness could not be tolerated in a war. Many people thought that Neo and Trinity's relationship was destined for a painful and messy end. Either they would get sick of each other and cause unneeded tension, or one would die, leaving the other a broken shell. 

Both Neo and Trinity ignored these people. Life was too short to worry about how it was going to end.

__

And now he's thinking about our child…

Stop it, Trinity, she scolded herself. _It was just a passing comment… He's still upset about Maria…_ She couldn't help the rush of love she felt for that man. It was something she had never expected to happen to her, and she knew she was blessed every time she woke up in his arms. Even when his snores were the reason she had woken. 

She touched the child's forehead and nodded at Phoenix, who had discreetly returned.

"Take care of her," she whispered. 

Phoenix nodded. "Of course."

Trinity left the room, bumping into Auriga.

"Oh, um, sorry, Trin –"

"Don't worry," she said brightly and slid past him. Auriga watched her go in confusion. He shook his head. He would never understand women… men had far fewer mood swings… He smiled at Phoenix and wondered where Tank was.

* * * * * * *

Morpheus led Neo to the empty mess room and sat across from him. As soon as the door closed, Neo started to speak. 

"I know what you're going to say. I endangered the mission, I let my emotions get the better of me, I left Trinity and Maria alone, I – "

Morpheus held up his hand to silence Neo.

"I wasn't going to tell you what you did wrong. I suspected that Trinity already told you that much." He stopped and looked at Neo, a smile playing in his eyes, if not his lips. Neo half-smiled sheepishly. 

"I had thought that you might… freak out slightly about this, Neo. That's why I asked Trinity to take you. I thought it would help you to understand that Maria is ready."

Neo blinked at him.

"Do you… do you believe that she is?" Neo asked hesitantly.

"Yes, I do. I never pull anyone out unless I think they're ready. And Neo, you watched her more closely than any of us. You know that she was ready."

"I know, it's just that…" Neo paused, running a hand over his head. He started again. "When I look at the Matrix all I see is a code. I know it's not real, I know that technically, she wasn't living but… I just realised when I saw her standing there, that to her, it was real. She really thought that her life was… a life." He looked at his hands helplessly.

"Then you should understand that we are helping her to live. She has been given a chance to live her life knowing the truth."

"But she's just a child – "

"She is just a child, but she is just as ready as you were. To be honest, I had first thought that the One would be a young child – they accept the truth much more easily." He looked up at Neo and grinned ruefully. "Look at how wrong I was."

Neo ignored the jibe at his age and put both his hands on the table, leaning forward. "That's my point! What if we're wrong about this? What if she's not ready for all this?"

"I know what I'm doing, Neo," Morpheus replied sharply. "I don't pull anyone unless I know they can make it. Most of the crew thought unplugging you was a mistake, and I won't pretend that I didn't have my doubts."

"So why did you do it?" asked Neo sourly.

"Because I realised that age didn't have anything to do with it. The reason it had taken us so long to find you was because we had been looking in the wrong places. We were looking at the children. We should have just been looking."

Neo sat back and looked at his hands. What would he have done if he hadn't have been pulled? Would he still be at Metacortex, wasting his life away? He shuddered inwardly. Morpheus leaned forward, apparently reading Neo's thoughts.

"Now do you see why we had to take her?"

Neo nodded. 

"She won't have much of a childhood here, though," he said sadly.

"Do you honestly think that she would have had a childhood back in the Matrix?" Morpheus asked, raising one eyebrow.

"No."

Morpheus nodded, then got up. He patted Neo's shoulder absently.

"Don't let yourself get so attached – just let her be. She'll find her own path. Just as you did."

Neo looked up at his friend and nodded. Morpheus smiled briefly, then left, leaving Neo to his thoughts. 

* * * * * * *

Maria yawned sleepily and turned over in her bed. She frowned at its unyielding mattress and considered calling to her mother –

Her eyes snapped open. Instead of her familiar messy bedside table, she saw dark metal.

She sat up and looked around bewilderedly. Her memories of how she had got to this place were vague and hazy. She could remember walking into the church with the woman… she had said some things that Maria had not understand, and then everything went cold and dark. 

She remembered the pods… someone had taken her from there… the man who flew. He had told her to sleep. Then the woman had touched her forehead and smiled.

Maria shook her head… Everything was so confusing… She jumped when the door opened loudly. The man who flew smiled down at her. She saw why he had looked different when he had carried her. His hair was much shorter, and he looked paler, more fragile. In a strange way, he looked more real.

"Morning, Maria. Sleep well?"

"Um." 

She felt foolish. She had meant to ask him where she was, what had happened to her, and who these people were, but her brain had momentarily shut down. The man nodded though, as if he understood her thoughts. He stepped into the room.

"I'm Neo."

"Neo?"

"Yes."

"Is… is that your real name?"

He grinned. "It's the name I gave myself. When I came here, I changed my name permanently."

"Why?" she asked, eyebrows furrowed.

"I felt like I had been reborn." He laughed dryly. "Thomas didn't seem to suit me here." He dropped to look at her face. "If you want, you can change your name."

"Why would I want to?" She hadn't meant her tone to be so snide, but she couldn't help it. He didn't seem to notice though and just shrugged.

"Sometimes it's easier to let go if you have a new name. You don't feel like the same person." His voice grew quiet and a strange expression flickered across his face. It quickly passed. "Well, you'll have plenty of time to think about it later. It's time for you to meet our captain." 

He held out a hand to pull her up, and she noticed for the first time that something was missing... She tentatively touched the side of her head.

"Did you cut my hair off?" she demanded, her fingers pressing against the downy fuzz that covered her head.

"No. You never had any."

This answer confused her so much that she decided not to pursue it anymore. Instead, she looked down at what she was wearing.

"Where did these come from?" she asked in surprise, plucking at the loose thread on her sleeve.

"Zion. The last human city."

"Oh," she said absently, pulling the thread and watching the end of her sleeve quickly unravel. Neo looked down at her in amazement at her acceptance. 

__

Maybe this won't be so bad, he pondered as he lead her down the corridor._ She is just a child; maybe she'll accept all this easily._

They reached the core. Usually it was buzzing with activity, but it was still early. Only Morpheus and Tank were up, looking at the console. Morpheus looked up and smiled when he saw them.

"Welcome, Maria," he said, patting Tank's shoulder. "This is the core of my hovercraft – the Nebuchadnezzar. Please, have a seat." The girl obligingly hopped up on the worn leather seat and sat there, swinging her legs slightly.

Morpheus glanced at Neo, who was watching as Tank adjusted the footrests to suit Maria's smaller figure. Tank said something that Neo couldn't hear, and Maria giggled. Neo jumped at the hand on his shoulder.

"Go have breakfast Neo," he said quietly. Neo started to protest but gave up at the older man's expression. He sighed, remembering Morpheus' words.

__

She is just a child, but she is just as ready as you were. To be honest, I had first thought that the One would be a young child – they accept the truth much more easily… I know what I'm doing, Neo. I don't pull anyone unless I know they can make it… Don't let yourself get so attached – just let her be.

As Neo left, he could hear Morpheus telling Maria to be brave – this might hurt a little. Neo paused when he heard Maria's cry. It only lasted an instant – had he cried out like that? – then Tank spoke.

"She's in."

* * * * * * *

As always, feedback is greatly appreciated and wanted J 


	3. Chapter Three

Hurrah! Update!

I'm so so sorry that I haven't updated for months… blame an insane college term and getting a new job :P

Anyway, the next chapter should be up in a few weeks time. I want to get it all done and dusted during the holidays so work doesn't interfere with my writing. 

DISCLAIMER: The Matrix and all it's characters belong to WB and I am not making one single penny out of this. Characters not in The Matrix belong to me. Whatever.

DEDICATION: To everyone who reads this or even just reads the summary. Well, it's Christmas J 

* * * * * * *

Maria gazed thoughtfully at the screens in front of her, eyes flickering to follow the code's movement. Neo stood just behind her, looking hopeful.

"Well?"

She squinted harder at the screen.

"I see… a man walking his dog," she said finally. She wrenched her eyes off the hypnotic screens and looked at Neo. "Am I right?"

He pursed his lips and turned his head to one side. "Sort of. It's a woman."

"Oh."

"And she's with her boyfriend."

"_Oh_." 
    
    "But you were nearly there," said a voice behind them. Maria turned around and saw Tank wandering up to the console, holding a bowl of slop. 

"He sort of looks like a dog. If you squint your eyes a little. Take," he added handing the bowl to Maria. "Eat. Then bed."

Maria took the bowl and wrinkled her nose, then sighed.

"I'm never going to be able to read that code."

"Sure you will," Neo smiled reassuringly at her. "It is complex. It just takes a little time."

Maria jumped off the chair and ate a mouthful of the slop. She made a face.

"I cannot believe that the people who can read a complex code cannot make good food." She took another mouthful and wandered off to her cabin. Neo and Tank smiled after her. Neo suddenly stopped smiling and frowned.

"She's right. Why do we eat that stuff?" 

"Because we secretly love it," replied Tank and sat down heavily in Maria's vacated chair. He rubbed a hand over his face and glanced up at Neo. He was starring impassively at the screens.

"How's she doing at reading the code anyway?"

Neo nodded. "Not too badly. Give it another few months and she'll be able to read it fairly well. I hope," he added, eyes still on the screen. Tank watched him for a moment, then leant forward to look at his friend.

"Neo?"

"Mmm?" Neo didn't take his eyes off the screen.

"How are you?"

"How am I?" asked Neo, looking at Tank bewilderedly. "I'm fine."

Tank tilted his head to one side and smiled crookedly. "You're still pissed at Morpheus."

"Why would I be pissed at Morpheus?" said Neo, shifting his feet slightly.

"Because he pulled Maria out, and you don't think it was the right thing."

"Well, he's the captain, I'm sure he knows what he's doing-"

"But you don't agree with it."

Neo sighed heavily and leant against the console. "I don't know, Tank. Was it the right thing to do? You heard her just now…"

Tank narrowed his eyes in thought for a moment, then shook his head. "You've lost me."

Neo rolled his eyes. "She has to eat that shit when other kids are eating… pizza or something."

"What about us? We have to eat that shit and not pizza." Tank paused and looked slightly wistful. "What does it taste like again?" 

"Well, it depends what kind you get-" Neo stopped when he realised they had strayed somewhat from what he had been trying to explain.

"Look, you're missing the point, what I mean is-"

"No, Neo, _you're _missing the point. _You_ are being ageist." Tank turned and started to access places within the Matrix.

Neo stared at him, aghast.

"I'm being what?"

"Ageist. Look, when we brought aboard Auriga, did you or anyone kick up this amount of fuss? No," Tank quickly answered his own question before Neo could interject. "We all accepted that he had made his own decision." He paused for a moment and looked at Neo. "Don't you see? Maria, regardless of how old she is, choose this."

"She didn't know what she was letting herself in for," argued Neo.

"And you did?" 

Neo was silent at this. After a long moment, he sighed. "Do you really think she is happier here?" he asked finally.

"I know she is." Tank sighed and leant back in his chair, staring at the screens. "I never used to watch her as much as you did, but I saw enough. I don't think she would have lasted much longer in there. I've seen so many people unplugged, Neo…She's coping better than a lot of people…" Tank's voice trailed off. 

Neo swallowed and looked away. He suddenly realised how hard it was for Tank, cooped up in a relatively tiny space, week in, week out. He didn't even have the oblivion of the Matrix to slip into when he needed some air. Everything that happened on board the ship, he knew about. He had no choice. 

"You have to believe me. This life is better for her," said Tank and looked back up at Neo. "Why are you so concerned for her, anyway?"

Neo's face remained impassive for a few moments. "She looks a little like my sister did when she was that age," he said finally.

"Ah."

"And I guess she reminds me a little of myself… when I was unplugged I mean."

Tank snorted. "She's taking it a lot better than you did."

"I was a lot older than her."

"Excuses, excuses…" Tank grinned at his friend. "Admit it man, you may be the One, but you're still a wuss." 

Neo laughed and then stopped, trying to regain a vague sense of dignity. "I'm not a wuss… I was just unprepared for this life, that's all."

"Just keep telling yourself that."

Neo rolled his eyes and smiled. "Right. Well, on that note, I'm going to bed," he said, patting Tank's arm and heading towards the ladder.

"To sleep?" asked Tank innocently. Neo responded with a dismissive wave of his hand. 

"Neo?"

"Yeah?" He turned and looked back at Tank. 

"Just let her be. She'll be fine. Stop monitoring her every movement."

Neo looked indignant. "I don't monitor her every movement!"

"I clearly heard you ask her if she'd had enough to eat this morning and then you asked Morpheus what she was doing today. Then you spent twenty minutes looking for her because you wanted to know if she had enough blankets…"

"I'm just concerned-" 

"You're being an overprotective parent. It's not going to work, you'll drive everyone insane. Especially Maria. You gotta let her be her own person. She'll never learn otherwise."

Neo nodded slowly. "Maybe you're right," he sighed. 

"I know I'm right."

Neo shook his head and smiled. "Goodnight, Tank."

"Night," Tank grinned and turned back to the console. He flexed his fingers and started typing again.
    
    * * * * * * *

Maria wandered slowly back to her room, eating the slop Tank had given her. She didn't want to go back to her room. Even if the others were all much older than she was, at least they were human company. When she was in the tiny room by herself, memories came rushing back to her, and she had to stuff her pillow into mouth to suppress the sobs that consumed her. She didn't want the rest of the crew to know how miserable she sometimes felt, especially Neo. She knew that he felt responsible for bringing her here, and it was obvious that he cared for her. Sometimes, she hated his protectiveness, became angry at his concern and just wanted him to leave her alone. Other times it was the only bit of comfort she had.

With a sigh she entered her cabin and climbed on to her cot, wrapping the blanket around her. It was itchy and thin but reminded her of an army blanket her favourite uncle had given her. When she had been younger, he had used it to help her make forts on her bed. Her fake bed, she thought angrily. A fake blanket for a fake bed to make fake forts on. And a fake favourite uncle. He never existed, she thought, desperately fighting the wave of misery threatening to engulf her. I can't miss what never existed…

She had been told that she reacted fairly well to the truth. The main thing that frightened her was the thought of never seeing her family or friends again. At least not in the sense she was used to. 

At first she had been incredibly angry with Neo and Trinity for bringing her to this place. It was a white-hot anger, which coursed through her veins, something that she couldn't ignore. Maria had never felt anger like this: she rarely got very angry at all. She had no idea of how to deal with it, and she was afraid to ask; they would all overreact and try to stop her training, and that was one of the things that kept her going.

As soon as she had discovered that she would learn martial arts, Maria had been saving her anger for when she trained. This had lead to several broken wooden pillars in the construct and huge bruises on her hands and feet. 

__

Do you want to be scarred for life? Phoenix had shrieked at her the fourth time she had to be treated with injuries.

__

Of course, she had replied brightly, leaving Phoenix to mutter something that Maria couldn't catch. Something about youth anyway.

She didn't really want to be scarred for life. But she couldn't really think of any other way to get rid of that anger. It was either letting it out that way or by doing it for real, and something told her she would inflict more damage in the real world than in a construct where the walls could be turned to paper, as they often were. Her training had been a lot gentler than any of the other's, simply because everyone felt bad about fighting a little girl. She had quickly learnt to turn this to her advantage.

But now the anger seemed to be fading. At first she had been glad but then she realised that it was just being replaced by another emotion: despair. No matter how hard she tried to be angry with the others for bringing her here, she knew she had no one to blame but herself. They had never forced her to come: she had chosen of her own free will, and if given the choice again, Maria had no doubt she would take the red pill again.

"It's my own bloody fault," she muttered to herself, glaring at the cot. "They never forced me to do this. And now I'll never see them -"

She bit her lip. Her family was constantly on her mind, gnawing away at her like a guilty little bug. They would be worried sick. She had just disappeared on the way to school, no note, no nothing. Memories constantly bombarded her; her mother's face when she was scolding someone, her father's newspaper print smudged fingertips, and her uncle's black crackling eyes. Memories that held no real importance, but were burnt into her brain as something she had once been a part of but was now on the outside of. She had tried to convince Morpheus to let her write a letter or something to them, but he had told her that it was better this way. It would be hard for them to accept the truth, and she would wind up hurting them even more. This did not make any sense to her, but there was nothing she could do.

At least that was what she had thought at first. Neo was teaching her to read the code, so she could watch her old fake life. Tank was teaching her how to work the computers, so soon she would be able to pinpoint exactly where in the Matrix her parents were. And better then that, she had managed to persuade Auriga to show her how to plug herself in and out of the Matrix without any help. Morpheus had even hinted that she was ready to take on more responsibility on board.

A few more months, and she would be able to put her plan into action. Maria had it all planned out. She would offer to take watch, preferably when the others were asleep. Then she would plug herself in, find her family and then… that part was a little hazy. Sometimes she thought that she would be able to persuade them to come back with her; other times she knew this would be impossible. The outcome didn't matter though. All that mattered would be that her parents would open the door, expecting the worst, and instead she would be standing there. And then everything would be all right. Admittedly, it wasn't much of a plan, but desperate times called for desperate measures. She knew it would get her in trouble; possibly even with the agents she had heard so much about, but again, that thought was unimportant. 

She felt guilty about the others, especially Neo. It was obvious that he actually cared about her even if it was a bit smothering. If she was honest it reminded her slightly of her uncle's protective nature, so the idea of hurting him was painful to her. But it had to be done. The entire crew had taken her in and tried to help her find her feet but she didn't want this life anymore. And they wouldn't understand. They had all had a chance to live in the Matrix, to discover that something about it didn't work for them. She had never had that chance. Sometimes though, her doubts rose up inside her until she lay shaking with the fear of them. Could she, who had always tried to toe the line in school, at home, everywhere, really just… run? But then she would quash that panic and concentrate on her mother's face when she opened the door..

She lay down on the bed and smiled to herself. She would see them all very soon. She had too. That was all that mattered.

* * * * * * *

I know, I know. Long wait, short chapter, cliffhanger-type ending. 

But I promise, next chapter will be extra long, and include a Neo/Trinity fluff scene for all you fluff-lovers out there J 


	4. Chapter 4

****

Disclaimer: Characters that were in the film 'The Matrix don't belong to me, others do, yadda, yadda…

****

Author's Note: First, I'd like to apologise for taking so damn long to update. I've had a lot of stuff on my plate at the moment… Sorry! But to make up for it, an awful lot happens… :)

Next, this chapter is set around the British holiday of Bonfire Night on the 5th November. I know lots of people don't know about this holiday (apart from British people obviously), so here's a little background info, so you're not too confused :P

In 1605, a group of conspirators, including but not led by, Guy Fawkes (I can't remember who the leader was. Sir Robert something I think.). The basic plan was to blow up the Houses of Parliament on the 5th of November, when they were filled with MP's and Lords. However, because there were so many conspirators the plot was discovered and a group of soldiers went to investigate the cellars. There they found Guy Fawkes who attempted to bluff his way out of it, saying he was a night watchman or some such thing. Unfortunately for him, the soldiers didn't believe him and searched the room. Hidden behind some barrels they discovered a *lot* (36 barrels I _think_) of gunpowder and promptly arrested Fawkes and tortured him until he revealed the other conspirators whereabouts, who were tortured and executed as well.

So every year, we celebrate the failure of the Gunpowder Plot by letting of big fireworks and having big bonfires on November 5th. Some people build 'Guys' - something that looks a little like a scarecrow – and throw it on a big bonfire. It's a fairly random and violent holiday, but I quite like it – it's very cosy standing outside, warming yourself by a bonfire and going "ooh!" and "aah!" every five seconds as a firework goes off. And Sparklers are stupidly fun. :P

Anyway, more information on http://www.guy-fawkes.com/ if you're interested.

And finally, thanks to Lisa for helping me, quite literally, beat all my stories together and for having much better English grammar than I have. Thankies! :D

On with the fic! 

* * * *

__

Remember, remember

The fifth of November,

Gunpowder, treason and plot.

I see no reason,

Why gunpowder treason,

Should ever be forgot.

Traditional poem 

* * * * 

"Are you sure?" asked Auriga.

"For the last time, yes," said Maria impatiently. "I can't sleep anyway, I might as well do something useful." She crossed her fingers behind her back for luck, willing Auriga to comply. She hadn't been able to sleep; the same images of her old life floated in front of her like demons in the dark, until she couldn't stand it. She had decided to go for a walk, try and find something on the ship to do. Thoughts twisted around like a blizzard in her head and all she wanted to do was sleep and forget it all. But she couldn't. She could only think and plot her way out of the mess she had created for herself. When she had finally made it up to the console area, she had found Auriga asleep, snoring loudly, his head resting on the desk. 

He still looked rather guilty at her suggestion to take his shift. "Look, you can take my next shift instead, alright? Then we're even."

Auriga nodded, the call of bed suddenly too strong. He got up and yawned, waving an absent hand at her. Maria watched him descend the ladder and turned to look at the code. She still found it fascinating to look at. It was awe-inspiring to realise that this insignificant looking green jumble was life to millions of people, and that none of them could imagine that an 11-year-old girl was watching them, like a miniature Big Brother. 

__

Or rather Little Sister, she thought absently typing in the codes for her hometown. She did this whenever she was on watch, having at least one screen open on to her street. She wasn't experienced enough with the code to be able to pick out definite people but she could at least make out its quiet hustle and bustle. It comforted her to know that life went on, with or without her.

She looked at the screen hungrily, almost wishing she could fall into it, to fall asleep again. Her life may have been a dream, but it had been a pleasant one… hadn't it? She knew she had been unhappy for her last few months in the Matrix, but was she really happier here? She massaged her forehead. It was so hard to tell now, alone with only the green code to light her surroundings…

Her head snapped up. She was suddenly very awake. _Alone… _She was finally alone. Heart pumping, she considered her options carefully. It was the middle of the night. The ship was quiet. Nobody would come to check on her until morning and by then… she could be having breakfast with her family. The thought made her feel light-headed and slightly drunk. She glanced nervously around her, licking her lips. She was teetering on the edge of a decision. Making and having plans was entirely different to actually carrying them out. She glanced back at her town. Her home. Where she belonged. 

Setting her jaw, she made her decision. She quickly started looking for the closest exit to her family home. She found it, fingers fumbling slightly over the keys. She paused trying to remember all the times she had watched Tank do this. Memories of flicking through the manuals for this very purpose flickered back to her and, flexing her fingers, she typed in the commands, hoping she was correct. It seemed to work. She switched to manual plug-in and locked on the exit. She jumped lightly out of the seat and padded softly over to what she had privately dubbed as "the dentist chairs".

Maria did not think as she fastened her boots to the footrests. A deeper part of her knew that if she actually considered what she was about to do, she would see its folly and quail. But the ache inside of her had grown to such an extent that it sometimes made her want to retch. Time was not healing her wounds: it was exposing them to the flies.

She couldn't live like that, she decided, leaning her head back against the rest. Nobody could.

"I have to do this," she whispered and taking a deep breath, she plunged the needle into the back of her head.

* * * *

"Zion, come in. This is the Nebuchadnezzar. Do you read me?"

Morpheus groaned quietly to himself. He had been trying to contact Zion on the crappy radio link the Nebuchadnezzar had been equipped with the last time they had returned to the city full of holes. He had not really wanted to go to Zion that time: Neo had just destroyed the agent, and even at that early time, gossip had flown through the air waves about the skinny pale guy who was going to save them all. He had not wanted Zion to get their hands on Neo before he was ready. But the Neb had been so badly damaged there had been little choice. Still, while they had been there, he had made sure that they were well equipped enough to last a very long time indeed before having to head back to Zion. Of course, messages had been sent daily asking if they could return because, surely, the One did not want to spend his time on board a cramped and dirty ship when he could live in nice, clean Zion. 

And, now, finally when they were running low on fuel and actually _wanted_ to return, Zion ignored them. Typical. He dropped the radio back on the table, resolving to try again in the morning. If they ignored him then, he'd just have to arrive at Zion without permission. And then deal with all the bureaucratic nonsense they were bound to throw at him.

Morpheus wanted to kick something but his practical nature told him that that would achieve nothing but a sore foot. He sighed and ran a hand over his face and paused, listening. The ship was quiet. Too quiet. He stood up and left the communication room. He walked over to the hatchway and listened. Strange. Auriga was on watch tonight and usually his snores could be heard all over the ship. 

__

Might as well go see if he's alright, thought Morpheus and started to climb the ladder.

* * * *

Maria hung the phone back up on its receiver and jumped at the sudden explosion that illuminated the tiny phone box with a red light. She twisted around and stared wildly out into the street. Shrieks and yells followed the explosion, and she could hear other, smaller bangs and screams rent the night sky.

__

There's been a mistake, I've gone to the wrong place. Oh god, what have I –

A shrill whistle interrupted her thoughts. Glancing up to the sky, she saw what looked like a green shooting star streak up from the ground. Maria felt her shoulders sag with relief as she realised what it was: a firework. The screams she had heard were from the excitement the colour and noise had created.

She leant back against the phone box's glass side and took a deep breath. Her heart was still pounding from shock, fear, excitement, nerves, and something else she couldn't quite place. She had never felt anything like this before, her emotions whirling around her so fast it was hard to make out exactly what they were. 

Setting her jaw, feeling as though every muscle in her body had gripped her bones with an unnatural fierceness, she wrenched the box's door open and stepped out into the cold night air. Another firework whizzed up into the air on her left, and then another a few moments later. A group of people walked past, wrapped up in gloves and scarves, laughing and pointing upwards. Frowning, Maria tried to work out why so many people were celebrating in such cold weather and then it dawned on her – Bonfire Night. 

__

I must have been out of the Matrix for almost a year now, she thought with a vague sense of amazement. It hadn't seemed that long… but then again, she had been unconscious for quite a while. She half smiled to herself. 

As long as Maria could remember, she had loved Bonfire Night; watching the spectacles from her father's shoulder when she had been younger, running to find her friends, shrieking as they wrote their names in the air with sparklers. Despite the danger the explosives could hold, it was a safe and cosy night. One she had missed very much.

Maria felt a little better about her decision. Fireworks were exploding in the sky, people were cheering and laughing, and it was one of her favourite nights of the year: the perfect homecoming. The whirling vortex in her stomach calmed slightly as she realised that this was all this was. She was going home. She had faced the hard part, discovering and living a new reality. This would be easy. It would have to be. She wasn't sure if she could keep her emotions in check for much longer.

__

You can't go back. You know that, this homecoming, it won't work, it can't-

Maria clapped a lid on the traitorous voice, turned sharply on her heel and strode down the street, trying to exude a confidence she didn't feel.

__

You know the truth now, how can you possibly expect to just forget that - 

"It'll be alright," she whispered to herself, walking quickly towards the churchyard at the end of the street. She tried very hard not to think about what had happened the last time she had walked through a graveyard. The phone box she had materialised out of was the nearest exit to her house, and it was still a good 10-minute walk away.

__

You cannot go back. Not to your house, not to your friends…not even to your parents.

Maria stopped in the middle of the road and breathed heavily. This was so _hard_. Harder than she could ever have imagined. Memories rose up within her and threatened to drown her, drag her down to the icy depths she had struggled to stay above of for months, if not years. A door, a feeling she had tried to shut out, was slowly opening in her mind.

She shook her head and continued walking. She would not, could not sink below those thoughts, would not open that door. It was going to be all right, she told herself. She would see her family again; after months of aching for them she could look upon them with her own _(fake)_ eyes. They would smile and hug her, and it would all be all right.

It had to be.

* * * *

He loved to watch her sleep. To see her at almost peace with the world. Which was a joke really. One thing the real world was not was peaceful. And, to a certain extent, neither was Trinity. Neo knew what other people thought of her. The female warrior, the soldier. Cold, detached and brilliant. Everybody knew it. He knew it was true: she could be hard, unbreakable, and yet was so much more complex. Sometimes he felt that he hardly knew her but that it did not really matter. They understood each other and, more miraculously in his opinion, had found each other.

Trinity's lips moved slightly, whispering in her dreams. He wondered for a moment if she dreamt about the two of them, together, somewhere different from the cold ship and Zion and even the Matrix. A place where they could both finally be free. Those dreams came to him more and more frequently now, and he wondered if it meant anything other than an absent yearning for something that could probably never be. Perhaps he should talk to Morpheus or the Oracle about it… Neo smiled ruefully to himself. They were likely to give him some cryptic answer that would only cause him a headache. 

Trinity stirred. He leant in close to her ear and whispered her name. She didn't react. He bent down and kissed her lightly, and then again when nothing happened.

"Neo, what are you doing?" she asked finally without opening her eyes.

"Kissing you," he replied, moving on to her neck. 

"Why?"

"Because I love you. What?" he asked looking at her, chocolate brown eyes wide. "Don't you like it?"

She half smiled at him. "You don't usually wake me up in the middle of the night just to kiss me."

"No," he mused. "You don't usually wake up."

She laughed, a sound that was little heard outside their cabin and reminded Neo of a wine glass breaking against the floor. It rang in his ears for hours afterwards. He smiled at her and rested his head against her chest, listening to her steady heartbeat. She ran her hand through his hair. He shut his eyes. They were silent for a moment.

"Trinity?"

"Mmm?"

"Can I ask you something?"

"You just did."

"Ha ha."

"You sound like a school boy."

"Do you believe in fate?" The question burst out of him before he had really meant it to. Trinity's hand stopped stroking his hair.

"Why do you want to know?" she asked sounding slightly suspicious.

"I don't know," he sighed, sitting up and looking down at her "I was just wondering."

Trinity remained silent. The room was dark but he could just make out the shape of her face, her eyes.

"I mean," he continued, suddenly strangely grateful he couldn't see her face, "Everyone's just waiting for me to do something impressive, like –"

"Destroying the machines?"

"Exactly. But I don't know how. I don't know what I should do."

"You're the One, Neo. You'll find a way. I have faith in you." Her voice was soft but did not comfort him. His heart managed the difficult feat of lifting and plummeting almost simultaneously. He felt relieved that she believed in him. He knew that some of the other ship captains were sceptical of his ability both in and out of the Matrix and wondered if it was not all some elaborate trick performed by Morpheus to gain accolade in Zion. Neo didn't need their doubt. He had plenty of his own. 

But Trinity trusted him… what if he let them down? What if he let her down, and she left him? This relationship was so new and brittle... Could it stand a blow in her faith like that?

Although he did not doubt that she loved him, he was not as sure that she loved him as much as he loved her. It frightened him how much he had grown to depend on her because he had never depended on anybody before. He had always been independent, even from his family. A loner. 

He couldn't imagine a life in the real world without her. She had always been there.

"Neo?"

He blinked. "Sorry. I was just…thinking."

She found his hand in the darkness and squeezed. "I know."

"Yeah. You do," he said thoughtfully, squeezing back. "You haven't answered my question yet."

"Why do you want to know?" she asked again, definitely sounding suspicious now.

"Because I want to know what _you_ think." Neo wondered if that was the right thing to say. She was silent. _Shit_, he thought. _Well done, Neo. Way to piss her off. Wake her up and ask personal questions. Right. Damage control._

"Like the Oracle. Do you believe that she knows what she's talking about?"

"I don't know."

"She predicted that I was the One."

"Neo, Morpheus predicted that that you were the One, and he's not psychic. He just saw something in you that nobody else did."

"The Oracle told him that he would find the One."

"I could have told you that. The man gets so damn fanatical…" 

Neo shook his head. "Well, the Oracle predicted that you would fall in love with the One."

"She didn't explicitly say it. I had to work it out."

"She didn't?"

"Of course not. She's an _Oracle_. They're supposed to be cryptic."

"What did she say to you then?"

"She said that I would not believe who he was. That I would doubt him when he first arrived and try very hard not to fall in love with him."

"So how did you know that-?"

"Then she said as I was leaving that he would be my saviour. From the machines and… from myself."

Neo said nothing, but lay back down and embraced her. He could not think of the words to say to express what he felt for her. Perhaps there weren't any. Actions counted more than words in these moments.

"So," she said into his neck. "I guess that I don't believe in fate. You were bound to come along, or I would've lost myself… Am I making sense? Is that fate?" 

Neo had a sneaking impression that she was only being this open with him because she was tired and he had caught her unprepared for such a strange question. And yet, it had seemed vital to him that he knew what she thought. That somehow he would know from her answer how much she loved him. And strangely enough, he thought that maybe he _did_ feel like he knew now.

"I don't know," he said at last. "To be honest, I'm not sure what it is."

"If you don't know what fate is, then it was a silly question to ask." She stifled a yawn.

"True." He kissed her forehead. "Sorry to wake you."

"Don't worry. I'll get you back."

He laughed. "I'm sure you will."

She didn't reply and Neo stroked her hair. The conversation had been brief, and yet he felt that he had found out so much more than if they had been talking for hours. He felt closer to her than ever before. Sleep finally came to him, and he was grateful to it, sensing he would dream somewhat more pleasant dreams…

The cabin door was suddenly wrenched open. Light flooded the tiny room. They sat up quickly, Trinity swearing creatively. Morpheus stood in the doorway, eyebrows deeply furrowed.

"She's gone," he said enigmatically. 

"What?"

"Who's gone?"

"Maria. She's gone into the Matrix."

Neo sat up suddenly feeling apprehensive. Trinity looked puzzled and more than a little annoyed.

"Let her do what she wants-" 

"She's gone to her parents' house," interrupted Morpheus. Neo and Trinity gaped at him.

"Her parents…?"

"Fuck," said Trinity, reaching for her clothes.

Morpheus nodded. "I'll see you on the main deck. Sorry to… disturb your sleep." He left, a ghost of a smile playing on his lips. Neo glanced at Trinity: she looked very cross. She looked back at him bitterly, pulling her shirt over her head.

"Is it fate that I can't get a decent night's sleep in this place?"

Neo shrugged and pulled on his own. "Probably. I don't know much about fate though."

"Aargh," she muttered irately and raced out of the room, Neo at her heels.

* * * *

She walked down the empty streets, remembering every detail about them with frightening clarity – where the broken paving slabs were, the tiny alleyway snaking up between the main road and side street, the big chestnut tree that was beaten every autumn by children hoping for a monster conquer. Maria's head was spinning. There was so much detail, so many little things that she could recall easily, as if she had only gone away for a few days. There was too much information assaulting her senses for her to properly absorb it. It flittered like a brightly coloured insect in her mind, constantly evolving and changing.

Another firework streaked red hot up to the sky, accompanied by whoops from an unseen crowd. Maria's steps slowed down to a halt. She was standing at the end of her road, the road she had been brought up on. A group of teenagers stood someway ahead, laughing and cheering at the bonfire burning in the park opposite. Maria could actually _see_ her house from here, something she had never really noticed before she had been unplugged. 

The house was draped in darkness. Light could be seen through the front doors glass window but it seemed dim, shrouded in a thick, smoky haze. The whole house seemed to be drenched in grief.

Her heart beating painfully fast against her ribs, Maria started towards the house, vaguely aware that the teenagers were watching her curiously as she walked past. She supposed that she must have looked a little odd, grasping hold of the garden wall beside her in an effort to propel her feet forward, staring intently at her parent's house. It didn't occur to her that her outfit was slightly out of place here: young girls did not usually wear entirely black outfits in the small town. It looked for a moment that one of the girls might say something to her, but there was a loud cheer from her companions: the Guy had been thrown onto the bonfire.

Maria came to her old garden gate and quickly unlatched it, fearing that if she stopped moving for even a moment, her nerve would fail her.

__

What are you nervous of? she scolded herself. _They're your family, you wanted this. They're not exactly going to turn around and say, sorry we don't want you anymore –_ Deciding that she didn't want to pursue this train of thought any longer, she marched up the gravel path and rang the doorbell. There was a moment's pause, long enough for her heart to try to leap out of her mouth. She saw a blurry shape through the rippled glass. It blocked the light as it reached the door and opened it wide. 

Maria made a small, squeaky noise at the back of her throat. 

The figure stood in the doorway, frozen, hand clutching the door handle. Her mother; who looked paler, more fragile than Maria remembered, stared at her blankly for a moment. It was only an instant, but Maria suddenly knew, as surely as a tiny part of her had known that this entire exercise was pointless because it was not her _real_ mother, that she had never known her real mother, would probably never know her real mother, she knew that it had been a mistake. The fireworks shrieked and the teenagers outside screamed and she had been wrong about them too. The sounds that had comforted her, the lights that had made her feel that for a moment, one glorious moment, that perhaps this was real, were frightening, war-like. 

Gunpowder plots. Torture. Burning. That was what this night was about, and Maria's blood burned in her veins, with sadness, anger and humiliation. She should have known, should have realised that this world could not hold any real meaning for her anymore, that nothing was real. And yet, she felt more real here, hands and feet frozen with the cold, blood boiling in her veins, then she had ever felt back on the Neb.

Maria knew that she should speak, should say something to this woman called mother, but no words would emerge. What could she say? Words seemed too vapid, they were not enough to explain what she would be allowed to, let alone what she _wanted_ to say. She stood, unconsciously mirroring her mother's expression. Lips slightly parted in a thousand different questions, eyes large and round, reflecting the harsh light of the fireworks and the warm house lights, skin pale but flushing with blood slowly.

They stared for an eternity, or at least long enough to make the other people in the house curious as to the silence at the front door. Maria could hear the sound of people moving in the next room.

"Maria?" whispered her mother. 

Maria gulped. Still no words would come. She nodded and tried to crack a smile. There was a flurry of footsteps, and her father and uncle appeared behind her mother in the hallway. Her father grasped her mother's arm; or at least he tried to, but caught her sleeve instead, looking like a small child clutching its parent's clothes in fear. Her uncle goggled at her, dark eyes blank. A firework exploded outside, shattering the oppressive silence for an instant.

There was something pitiful in that scene. Three grown men and women standing, clutching at each other, like children in a darkened room. Maria had the sudden dizzying sensation that _she_ was more in control than the people she had once relied upon, that she knew far more than they could ever, she knew the _truth_ behind this world. Morpheus had once told her that knowledge and truth gave wings to the mind, but she did not feel free. She was crippled, broken with it and now she had splintered any chance of freedom in the real world because she would see this scene imprinted under her eyes for the rest of her life. Guilt for the people and life she had left behind, the pain she had caused and for what? Her own happiness? She had never once considered the implications for the people she knew, how _they_ would feel about her choice. Her motives had been entirely selfish, and she had made it worse by coming back. Now she would either live her life in the Matrix, knowing but never speaking the truth or going back, and causing the people she loved even more pain.

Maria shut her eyes and felt white-hot tears build inside of her. Everything had been ruined. There was no going back, not to either world. She knew too much about them both, how both felt and looked, how the real world seemed a dull copy of the Matrix because the Matrix was like a beautiful, terrible dream. It was how the real world should be but was not, would never be because humans and machines had destroyed it.

Arms enveloped her and she sank in to her mothers embrace, sobbing. She gave herself up to her tears, and allowed them to consume her. She did not think but only felt the way her mothers tears soaked her shoulder, the way her father squeezed them both so tight that she could not breathe, felt the vibrations of her uncle's footsteps as he circled around them, perhaps trying to take it all in. She heard the fireworks and crowds outside, but it did not frighten or concern her now.

There had been no right or wrong decision, but the only one she felt that she could have made. She was home.

For better or for worse.

* * * * * * *

Please r & r!


	5. Chapter 5

****

Disclaimer: All characters, places etc in The Matrix belong to the Wachowski Brothers and WB. Other characters belong to me. I'm making no money from this etc etc. Two references to Harry Potter (which also does not belong to me) in this chapter – see if you can spot them. 

****

Author's Note: Thanks to my beta Lisa for helping me beat this one into shape. :) Sorry it's taking me **forever** to write this story but that's life.

* * * * * * *

Mr and Mrs Caine, of number 36, Rose Avenue, were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much. The small town they lived in was entirely normal as well and (some might say) a trifle dull. The most unusual thing that had ever happened was the little girl, who had lived next door at number 34, disappearing almost a year ago. It had been such a shock to everyone, not only because it was unusual for little girls to simply vanish, but also because things like that simply did not happen in their little town.

"It's the woman of the house I feel sorry for," Mrs Caine said over breakfast one morning. "Can you imagine, one day, you've got a lovely little girl and an attentive husband, and the next, daughter's missing, presumed dead, and your husband's gone for the most part of the day. Probably in some bar in the city with a call girl, no doubt," she added with a derisive snort. "Well, what did Eda expect? Marrying a man like that... A musician, of all things!" 

"Hmm," said Mr Caine, who had given up listening to his wife's ramblings in the morning years ago. He turned a page of his newspaper. "I completely agree."

Mrs Caine rolled her eyes and went to look out the window. She had given up expecting an intelligent answer from her husband in the morning years ago. For a moment she stood gazing out at the street, still talking. It had become something of a habit of hers, to talk even when she knew no one was listening.

"That whole family, just ripped apart like that, it's simply awful. I wonder what could have happened to that girl – what was her name? Mary?"

"Hmm."

__

Thunk.

Distracted by the noise, she glanced to her right, next-door's house, and noticed several things. First, a police car was parked outside number 34. Secondly, a black Sedan was parked to its right and two men were standing next to it, in identical brown suits. The thunk she had heard had been them closing the Sedan's doors in unison.

"Charles!" she hissed, eyes glued to the window.

"Hmm?"

Mrs Caine said nothing, but waved her hand for her husband to come over. Unaccustomed to the sudden silence, Mr glanced up, closed his newspaper with a sigh and joined his wife, who was now pointing at the two men. As the Caines watched, the men glanced at each other, sunglasses glinting in the pale winter sunshine and, in perfect time with each other, started walking up to number 36.

"What do you think has happened?" whispered Mrs Caine feverishly, craning her neck so she could see onto next-door's porch.

"Must be something about that little girl," said Mr Caine, somewhat gruffly.

"Oh, Charles, do you really think so? Do you think it's good news or bad news? Perhaps they found a body... or a ransom note, or maybe - "

Mr Caine returned to his newspaper, sinking back into the sedate state he had been in since before he could remember. The niggling feeling that something significant was taking place next door faded into the background, along with his wife's excited prattle.

* * * * * * * 

Carefully, Eda sat down on the bed, trying hard not to wake her sleeping daughter. She smoothed the hair of Maria's feverish brow. She felt strangely calm, almost serene. It was hard to believe that just a few hours ago they had been sitting in the front room, losing hope that they would ever see her again, when, suddenly – she was there. It had been beyond shocking, just to open the door and see her little girl standing there, looking a little awkward and very scared. 

__

She's grown, mused Eda, staring down at the big black boots Maria had been wearing, now lying on the floor. _She's not my little girl anymore... I don't know what she is._

She shut her eyes, trying to block the tears that sprang to her eyes. However, she had learnt a long time ago that closing your eyes did not stop tears. Hastily she wiped them away, not wanting to disturb her child's peaceful sleep. Her daughter had been gone so long, and she had no idea why she had left so suddenly. Eda knew that Maria had been unhappy, but surely that would have made her draw closer to her family, not further away? _Maybe I did something_, Eda thought, staring down at her child_. Maybe I didn't love her enough… or too much, or…_ She shook her head. Maybe it didn't matter why Maria had run away: only that she had come back. 

Ten months. Three weeks. Four days. Approximately six hours. That was what she had lost from her child's life and she did not mean to lose anymore. The last thing she wanted to do was leave her bedside. Patting Maria's cheek one more time, she stood up with a sigh and forced her legs to move towards the direction of the door, then down the stairs and into the front room. 

The two men sitting on the paisley sofa looked faintly ridiculous. Standing on her doorstep, in their brown suits and sunglasses (What was the point? she thought. It was hardly bright outside) they had looked quite intimidating. Now, perched very uncomfortably in her front room, grasping cups of tea, they looked very odd indeed. Yet, there was still something about these men that just didn't seem...natural. She shook her head. It was probably just her emotions finally catching up with her. Ever since she had felt Maria's arms round her neck, a veil seemed to have descended over her senses so that everything was muted and somewhat surreal. It was an almost drunk feeling that helped her believe that maybe this was some product of her imagination and that any moment now, someone would wake her up with a hot cup of something (preferably with brandy in it) and a hug. 

As she entered the room, her husband smiled at her from the armchair in the corner, looking exhausted. She smiled rather wanly back. She didn't know it, but Mrs Caine had almost hit the nail on the head with regards to the Mendoza's marriage. Although Sanchia had not hooked up with a call girl, he had become a distant figure, someone who occupied some vague place called "out".

"Where's the sergeant?" she asked, keeping close to the door.

"Talking to Jack next door," replied Sanchia. He tried to continue,but one of the agents - Agent Bryson, she thought he had said his name was - leaned forward and cut him off.

"I understand, Mrs Mendoza, that this must be... very difficult for you. But I would like to ask you a few questions regarding your daughter's disappearance. And subsequent reappearance." He had a very clipped, formal accent, but she could not quite place whether he was British, American or even Australian. 

"Of course," she said, finally fully entering the room and sitting on the arm of her husband's chair.

Agent Bryson sat perfectly still for a moment, fingertips pressed together under his chin under his chin. The other man (Eda couldn't recall him giving a name, something she found quite disconcerting) remained in exactly the same position as he had been, holding his teacup primly in his right hand.

"Your daughter disappeared on December 19th last year, correct?" He waited for her nod and then continued. "She was on her way to school. We know from witnesses, who reported seeing her, that she was walking through a churchyard when a man and woman dressed in black stopped her. The churchwarden reported seeing the three converse and that Maria looked frightened. However, when he went over to investigate, all three had disappeared. He was the last person to see Maria, until tonight."

"That's right," said Eda in hoarse voice. Sanchia squeezed her hand comfortingly.

Agent Bryson leaned forward, taking off his glasses. He stared at the couple intently. "Tell me what happened last night." 

Eda and Sanchia glanced at each other, and slowly Eda began to speak.

"Well, we - that is me, Sanchia and Jack -"

"Who?"

"My brother. His house was... well, it was repossessed about six months ago, so he's staying with us until he can find a place of his own."

The agents nodded.

"Uh, anyway, the three of us were sitting here when I heard the doorbell. I went to get it and... there was Maria. Just standing there on the doorstep."

"What happened next?" asked the other man quickly. Both agents were leaning forward. Eda couldn't remember a time when two people were listening this attentively to what she was saying. She took a deep breath.

"Well, it was - it was pretty emotional as I'm sure you can imagine." She hesitated as the agents nodded, their expressions as blank as a sheet of paper. "Sanchia and Jack came out and we all stood there for a while. Then she sort of collapsed against me and started to cry, and then I started to cry, and then Maria actually did faint -" She had to stop rather suddenly: her throat had constricted and it was difficult to draw breath. Sanchia continued.

"I picked up Maria, and we took her upstairs to her room and called the police. Just to let them know she was safe, you know? And then they arrived about 15 minutes later and... well, you know the rest."

"Did she say anything to you?"

Eda frowned slightly at this abrupt question. "No, she - she said nothing at all. Why?"

The agents looked at each other.

"Nothing?"

"No. Why?" repeated Eda.

"How was she acting? Confused? Disorientated?"

Eda and Sanchia stared at each other. "No, just... upset. Emotional, like I said."

"So she was distressed?"

"Of course she was, heaven knows what she's been through the last eleven months!" Sanchia snapped, glaring at the unperturbed agents.

"Sanchia," said Eda soothingly, although her left hand had balled into a fist.

"Thank you, Mr Mendoza," said the agent with no name, quickly and crisply. "Naturally," he continued, standing up, "the police would like to question you more closely. But that is all we need to know for the moment. We will want to have a word with Maria, once she has recovered, of course," Agent Bryson also stood up.

"If you don't mind me asking," said Sanchia through gritted teeth, the muscles in his hand still tense under Eda's fingers, "who are you? Whom are you working for?"

The agents exchanged a glance.

"A special branch of the police, Mr Mendoza."

"Ah," said Sanchia, smiling in a way that clearly showed that he did not believe it. The agent with no name clearly caught this tone because he added "We were assigned directly onto this case from Scotland Yard. We have reason to believe that there is more to this case than meets the eye."

"What do you mean?" asked Eda, nervously squeezing her husband's hand, needing to know that he was there.

Again the agents looked at each other. 

"The description of the man and woman who were seen with Maria appear to match descriptions in other cases, similar to this one, from all over the world. However, this is the first time that the missing person in question has come back, safe and sound. Of their own will at least." 

"Similar cases?" questioned Sanchia. "What kind of cases?"

"The man and woman are believed to be ringleaders in a world-wide terrorist network."

The Mendoza's gaped at them.

"Ex-excuse me?"

"What would terrorists want with our little girl?" Eda was gripping her husband's hand so hard his fingertips were white.

"Please, Mrs Mendoza, don't worry yourself. This is just speculation," Agent Bryson said, smiling. Or at least that's what he appeared to be doing: the expression looked entirely wrong on his impassive face.

"It's most likely to be nothing. However-" 

"What?" interjected Sanchia. The muscles in his jaw were set, as though he was biting back some furious remark. Both agents hesitated, apparently deliberating over what to say. Agent Bryson made a sudden movement with his hand towards his right ear, but dropped his hand just as quickly again. For the first time, Eda noticed what looked like a hearing aid, coiling from the agent's ear down the back of his shirt. Finally, Agent He-Who-Has-No-Name spoke.

"If the people responsible for your daughter's disappearance are these terrorists, we have reason to believe that they would...fight for her. Try and take her back."

Eda stared at the agents for a moment, certain that the last vestiges of sanity she had managed to cling onto over the last few months had finally been tugged away from her. Terrorists? Take her back? Her head span horribly with this new announcement.

"What on earth would terrorists want with her?" demanded Sanchia, glancing down at his pale wife. Agent Bryson started to reply but Sanchia interrupted, his words spilling out of his mouth before he had time to check them.

"What the hell could they want? She's just a little girl, for fuck's sake! What -" He cast around for more words, but failed to find them. He shook his head desperately, almost sadly, letting go of Eda's hand so he could clench his fists. The agents made a brave attempt to look sympathetic, but again failed abominably.

"This is probably just speculation, Mr Mendoza. However, I am sure that you understand, we need to take every precaution when dealing with these people."

"They won't take our little girl away from us again. I won't let them." Eda was all too aware of how ridiculous that must have sounded, but decided she didn't care. Sanchia would have said the same thing if she hadn't said it first, and she found she didn't care what the other two men thought; she was disliking the agents more and more with each new revelation. 

Agent No-Name nodded curtly. "Quite right. We will arrange for some top security for the entire block. Your house will be watched 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Your daughter will be... quite safe."

Eda and Sanchia both frowned slightly at the pause in his words but decided to ignore it.

"She'll be perfectly safe," repeated Agent Bryson. The certainty in his voice was contagious and the tense line of Sanchia's shoulders relaxed somewhat. Eda however could not dispel the lurking feeling in her gut. It reminded her of the first few months of Maria's disappearance, when every phone call could be the one from Maria, telling them she was safe, or the police telling her they'd found a body, would she come down to the station to identify it? 

"_This isn't fair_, she thought, staring down at her hands, at the tiny semi-circle scars where she had dug her nails into her palms. Old scars from those times when the world seemed to be closing in on her and there was nothing certain: if you couldn't even be certain about such a simple thing as to whether your daughter was still alive, what else was there to know?

"Eda?"

She blinked and realised that her hands were gripping each other tightly. She forced them apart and smiled up at Sanchia's worried face.

"I'm fine," she said, although she felt anything but. Sanchia nodded gravely.

"At least one of us will be here at all times," said the nameless agent. "We'll look after her."

Eda nodded but couldn't stop the niggling feeling at the back of her mind that told her not to trust these men. She shivered and forced a smile.

"Of course," she said. "She's home."

* * * * *

The main deck of the Nebuchadnezzar, usually so quiet and solemn, was filled with the sound of raised voices. The crew of the ship had gathered around the still body of s small girl, alternately looking sadly down at the girl and debating what should happen next.

Neo should have been listening, but after one look at Maria fatigue had settled over him, and he had suddenly felt very old, as though this was all too much. He cursed himself inwardly. 

__

Why didn't I see? If she was this unhappy, why didn't I notice?

He forced himself to tear his gaze away from Maria and stared at Morpheus, who was trying to calm everyone down. Maria's actions had hit everyone very strongly. Both Trinity and Tank were thin-lipped and fidgety. Both, Neo was sure, were thinking about the last time anyone had gone into the Matrix without an operator watching... But Maria wasn't Cypher. She was just a scared little girl. Still, if the Agents caught her... they sure as hell would not go easy on her just because she was a little girl.

Neo had given up trying to focus on what everyone was saying a while ago. The conversation was too confused, too jumbled for his tired mind to take in. By the time he and Trinity had made it to the main deck, everyone else was already there, voices ringing out loudly against the cold metal. Auriga had looked massively guilty and tried to apologise to everyone, whilst Morpheus pointed out, very patiently, that Maria had moved so quickly and quietly, without anybody noticing for at least two hours, she probably planned this quite extensively and would have seized any moment to get in. At which point Phoenix had interrupted, asking how did they know that, she could have gotten bored and gone for a little stroll around the old neighbourhood. Everyone else had started talking, about how sad Maria had seemed, how she always asked the other about those they had left behind, even when it was obviously a closed subject, and Neo had actually felt physically disgusted by all of them, for noticing that one of their crew mates had been unhappy and not doing anything. 

But then again, you didn't. Someone had once said that sorrow was individual whilst happiness was shared. He couldn't think of anything more true. Newbies were left alone. It was stupid to lean on someone else like a crutch when they could be dead the next day. Being shown the truth was a lot like growing up, decided Neo. You had to learn to get on without your parents holding your hand, learning through your own stupid mistakes.

Don't get too close to anyone... He swallowed. Maria never had a chance to get close to anyone...

Clapping a lid on his thoughts, Neo returned to simply staring at Maria, not wanting to think or consider what to do next. He tried to focus back on the others. They had now lapsed into a thoughtful silence, apparently finished discussing Maria's motives."Can't we... can't we just let her be?" asked Auriga finally very nervously. 

Morpheus shook his head. "We can't risk it. The Agents are probably already on their way."

"She doesn't know anything," interjected Trinity. "She wouldn't be able to tell them anything."

"They don't know that," replied Morpheus quietly. There was another bleak silence.

"Well, what are we going to do?" asked Phoenix after a while. Everyone glanced at each other thoughtfully. Neo tore his gaze from Maria and started to speak, a plan suddenly fully formed in his head, as though he had done nothing but think on it, but Tank cut him off.

"No, let me guess. You want to go in there with a very sketchy plan and probably lots of guns, rescue Maria against all the odds, and get back here with seconds to spare, possibly after a spectacular defeat of an Agent." He paused and glanced at Neo. "Am I right?"

Neo felt mildly offended. "I wasn't suggesting we go in guns-a-blazing..."

Tank rolled his eyes. "Been there, done that, huh?"

Neo ignored him. "I do have a plan however." He looked at the others. Auriga and Phoenix looked interested, but Tank and Trinity looked a mite sceptical. Morpheus' expression was carefully guarded as always.

"Please," he said, somewhat icily, "don't overwhelm me with your excitement. I can't take it at this time in the morning."

Trinity smiled slightly. "How excited we are depends on how good this plan is."

"It's subtle. And if it works, we'll get Maria back with the minimum amount of collateral damage." He sighed, suddenly feeling and looking very old. 

"That's if she wants to come back," said Auriga in a small voice. Everyone shifted uncomfortably. As far as anyone was aware, nobody had ever gone back to his or her loved ones after being unplugged. It was too hard, looking into their eyes and knowing that somewhere they were lying in a pod, food for a machine and worst of all, knowing that they were likely to live and die never knowing it. It was easy to act superior around crowds of people you didn't know, but people you knew.... 

Trinity had once told Neo how she'd been watching a new potential (he had asked if it had been him, but she had ignored his question) when an ex-boyfriend had come up to her and started asking her how she was, saying that it had been too long, they made a great couple, still could in fact. Trinity had been so surprised to see him that before she knew it, she was actually talking back to the guy (at this point Neo had tried very hard not to think about Trinity with another man and instead concentrated on fiddling with the hem of his shirt). 

It had almost felt like old times, she had said, somewhat wistfully (at this point, Neo pulled a long thread on the cuff too hard and nearly ripped the shirt up to his elbow). Then the Ex made the fatal error of asking her what she did now, at which point she had made some very hasty excuses and ran down the street to the nearest exit. Now, Trinity's words circled endlessly in his mind.

__

It was horrible. Knowing that he was nothing but a fuel source, and he'll never know because he loves his stupid, pointless existence, because he's not cynical, or unhappy. He's content. Sometimes I wonder if we're doing the right thing, showing these people a world where they were just nothing...

Neo had embraced her and said, "You can't think like that. This is what we have to do. We owe it to them all." He didn't need to explain who "they" were. Parents, friends, people who you only knew vaguely enough to smile at in the street. They all deserved a chance to live...

You didn't go back once you were out. That was the long and the short of it. You had made a choice and you stuck by it, for better or worse. It was an unspoken fact.

And that was precisely the problem, thought Neo suddenly. No one had told Maria. The rest of us had been searching for something, for the answer but she had not started that journey when we took her, at least not fully. Given more time she would've and she would have understood that it's a lonely life but she never - 

Neo took a deep breath and reached for Trinity's hand instinctively, needing to know she was really there. Out the corner of his eye he saw her glance at him, but he didn't turn.

"Well then, Neo," said Morpheus, fixing his calm gaze on Neo. "What's your plan?" Neo gave himself a little shake and turned his back to Maria, facing the others.

"I'm going to need everyone's help. Everyone needs to be at the right place at the right time, or the whole plan will fail..."

* * * * * * *

Next chapter: Neo's Plan and a *big* revelation ... 


End file.
